Fatherless Musings #13: The Common Struggle

As I’ve researched and read the statistics, it is amazing  to me how common the struggles are among the fatherless. First of all, we all struggle a lot with feelings of rejection and its implications. In addition, boys express their rejection issues primarily through anger, and girls through sexual relationships.  It’s an almost predictable pattern.

Fatherless Musings #12: The Worldwide Statistic

Depending on how you count them, there are 143 to 147 million orphans in the world right now.  Millions and millions…

And, according to a quote from Kay Warren, “most Christians don’t know 5 of them.”

More Than Musings

As I write this, I’m on a plane heading to Minneapolis to attend the Christian Alliance for Orphans’ Summit VI. With me are my wife, Kelly, and our friend, Sue. Not one of us really knows exactly what to expect or exactly why we are going to this particular conference, bit we do have a sense that God has called us to this. So may He grant us big ears, sharp minds and lots of self-sacrificing, God-exalting faith.

And, Father, please help us to minister to the fatherless in Your name.

Summit VI – Christian Alliance for Orphans

I have to be honest here. I don’t have a clue if or how God wants me to touch the lives of the fatherless. I do know that my heart has been deeply touched, my understanding has been growing like crazy, and concepts on how to minister to the are floating around in my head (that’s why I’m blogging my Fatherless Musings). But I don’t exactly see a door to walk through.

So my wife and I sensed God’s calling and saw His provision to attend the Christian Alliance for Orphans’ Summit VI. Pray that we can discern what God has to say to us while we’re there.

Fatherless Musings #11: Is It That Important?!

We’ll never have to pay attention to the issue of fatherlessness in our or others’ lives. It’s not like the government comes knocking on our door or creditors start calling if we don’t address the issue. Right?

Well, unless we want to be like Jesus. And unless His love compels us. It’s easy to overlook how important the fatherless are to God.

Sing to God, sing praises to his name;
lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts;
his name is the Lord;
exult before him!
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation.

- Psalm 68:4-5 (ESV)

See also Isaiah 1:13-17, Psalm 10:16-18,

And, of course, it will eventually collapse all around us as our nation and “normal” becomes defined and shaped by these ignored fatherless ones (the indicators are right in front of us) or collapse inside us as we war with our own sense of rejection, isolation, insecurity and sometimes anger and guilt. Fatherlessness may never get the credit for these things either.

I’m telling you it’s an invisible epidemic.

Fatherless Musings #10: Best-Case Scenario

And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers…” Malachi 4:6 (ESV)

When I think about the goal of fatherless ministry, I don’t only think of the fatherless being healed of those proverbial “father wounds,” especially through the knowledge and the touch of God, but I also get caught up in the best-case scenario: those absent fathers to return to their families (in whatever way is appropriate and possible), carrying the knowledge of God and His gospel. No one can touch a fatherless family like a dad who knows the Father.

Let it be so, God.

Fatherless Musings #9: Fatherless Within The Church

The fact that the church is riddled with fatherlessness might be surprising to some. Unfortunately divorce, abandonment, babies out of wedlock, abusiveness, and distracted and disconnected dads are a part of Christians’ lives, and they leave some difficult circumstances with the result of fatherlessness.  Beyond that, a generation being saved from a fatherless culture bring fatherlessness into the church right along with their gifts and passions and strengths.

Thankfully, the church is just the right place to minister to the needs of the fatherless. And for SO many reasons.

1. The God we worship repeatedly reveals his heart for the fatherless and in Psalm 68 calls himself, “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home…”
2. God reveals Himself as the Father, and gives us not “the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” (Romans 8:15 ESV). Believers have been adopted into the family of God the Father, and have moved from fatherless to Fathered.
3. God’s desire for the generations to teach and commit to one another is clear in Titus 2. The older men in the church is an enormous (untapped) value to the younger men (and women).
4. We have the Holy Spirit, the Word and the power of God to bring about healing, restoration and a bright hope for a future fathered generation.

I wonder how many Christian guys (for example), who grew up without a (believing) father, struggle with “what does it mean to be a man, or a Christian man?!” And how many older Christians are perplexed about where (or if) they fit in the contemporary church? Oh, how they’re needed! But they also need to understand that they are needed to father the generation behind them, and perhaps learn how to do that.

I think a powerful, healing ministry could begin within the church in America alone, especially if the church could take this multi-generational approach to discipleship and just loving each other. Heck, that’s even the way to prevent fatherlessness once it’s been knocked out. “Older men, teach the younger men…”

Fatherless Musings #8: America’s Fatherless

They have tickle-bugs in Uganda too.

The world is full of the fatherless.

HIV/AIDS is responsible for so many fatherless in Africa. Fatherless children wait in Russian and Chinese orphanages. War has stolen fathers from families around the globe. I’ve tickle-chased fatherless Ugandans and held fatherless Kenyans, but my heart bleeds for America’s fatherless – children, teens and adults.

I’ve researched them. I’ve met them. I’ve prayed for them. I am them.

Fatherless Musings #7: I’m Fatherless

I’m fatherless. I didn’t think I was. A year after I began to feel burdened for the fatherless, God took me aside and pulled me apart. And I never saw it coming. After all, I wasn’t fatherless.

I have a dad who loves Jesus. Sure, my mom & dad divorced when I was young and we “made the best of a bad situation.” But that bad situation was fatherlessness, and I’ve essentially lived large portions of my life apart from my dad. And that has had its ramifications in my life. For almost a year, I was peeled like an onion, layer by layer, sometimes with a lot of tears. God showed me how so many of my personal “peculiarities” and struggles were related to this fatherless experience.

Self- and other-directed anger instead of sorrow, fear or hurt. The certainty that everyone knew something I didn’t, and sure I’d be found to be a fraud – not a “real man.” Deep-seated feelings of rejection. Feeling so unlovable, and sure that those who helped or prayed for me did so because they “had to.” And so much more – these are just the things that come to mind now.

The intensity of this year-long process was exhausting, and had me constantly asking questions and looking inward at what was in there. Unfortunately, at times I became selfish and self-absorbed and even hurt those I love as a result. For example, on the one hand, I became aware of my heavy draw toward others’ approval and appreciation, and on the other hand, I sometimes welcomed (pursued?) it to unhealthy extremes. And, ironically, pride swelled within me in a season of deep humbling.

I don’t blame that on being fatherless. That was evidence of where my own character was at. But I think it’s important to realize that this process of discovery and healing can be very messy.

God has been gracious to me. He can do all things, He is leading me into healing, and I am waiting to see exactly what His great restorative hand is going to do in my life and the lives of others.

Fatherless Musings #6: Are You Fatherless?

Again, it seems like I’m being reminded that the fatherless are everywhere!  And in places I don’t expect.

You know people who are fatherless. Maybe you are fatherless. Or maybe you’ve never thought about it until now. But I guarantee you know people who are fatherless (click here to see who “the fatherless” are), and they are probably struggling in specific ways due to their lack of a dad. It is, as I’ve said, an absolute epidemic.

And though I’m blogging mostly for the purpose of capturing my various thoughts in one location, if you’re reading this, I would really like to know:  Are you fatherless?